DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The statistics on domestic violence are staggering and disturbing.  Estimates range from 960,000 to as many as three million women who are abused by a current or former spouse or boyfriend in the course of a year.  Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.

Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives.  Thirty percent of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year.

On average, every day in this country, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner.

The health-related costs of rape, physical assault, stalking and homicide committed by intimate partners exceed $5.8 billion each year. Of that amount, nearly $4.1 billion are for direct medical and mental health care services, and nearly $1.8 billion are for the indirect costs of lost productivity or wages.

The signs of domestic violence are easy to see, but for many women, they are easier to ignore.  The main reason women stay in relationships where they are being abused can be attributed to low self-esteem, but also, the fear of leaving makes them stay.  They are afraid that if they leave the relationship, they will be hurt worse than if they stay.
 
While this may be true, it's important for abused women to realize that they don't have to endure this abuse.  In fact, staying in the relationship can be morally and mentally devastating to not only her, but her children and family members as well.

How can you recognize if you or a loved one is in an abusive relationship?  Here are a few common warning signs:

Does the person you love:
- Track all of your time?
- Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
- Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
- Prevent you from working or attending school?
- Criticize you for little things?
- Anger easily when drinking or on drugs?
- Control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
- Humiliate you in front of others?
- Destroy your personal property or sentimental items?
- Hit punch, slap, kick, or bite you or your children?
- Threaten to hurt you or your children?
- Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
- Force you to have sex against your will?

If you find yourself saying yes to several of these questions, you are in an abusive relationship.  When you are being abused by someone you know, it may be much more difficult to acknowledge that it is actually happening to you.

There are strong emotional and social forces that can keep even a very abusive relationship going for a long, long time.  It can also be emotionally more difficult to decide that you need to take strong action to protect yourself, but knowing your attacker does not change your right to protect yourself.

What exactly do we mean by protecting yourself defensively?